ON MY WAY...

I was inspired to write this post when I read a thread in an online community regarding the Fat Acceptance (FA) movement. The gist of the "movement" as I understand it is to encourage people to accept ALL sizes of people, especially those who would be considered as large, obese, fat (I HATE THAT WORD) or what have you. Hypocritically speaking, I have used the word "fat" often to describe myself, but hesistate to use it to describe anyone else. However, that's another post for another time. As a woman who "could lose some weight" but is not exactly what anyone would really call "large", I struggle. Right now, I really just want to make peace with myself AND food. It's hard. I don't know where the struggle began. Perhaps it began as early as childhood when I used to look at others' portions to see if they had more than me. Perhaps it was further exacerbated by the bouts of depression that I endured as a teen due to various traumatic experiences. Perhaps it was made even more so by some of the trials that I went through as a young adult. Who knows? The problem is, I have now arrived at a place where I cannot eat ANYTHING without thinking about the calories and whether or not I "should or should not" be eating it. This is an EVERYDAY occurrence and I desire tobe free of it. I have a great book called "Overcoming Overeating" that has been very helpful for me. It is a great find. However, being in a culture that is constantly focused on "fitness" whereby you HAVE to be at a certain weight or level of fitness to maintain your job does not help. I long to be a person who can just sit down and eat a meal and enjoy it without a mental dissertation of why I should or should not consume said item. THAT would be TRUE FREEDOM even if I never lost another pound. I feel like I am consumed with these thoughts. I think the book will help...one day.

What shall I render?

It's hard sometimes to give up what I enjoy most. Some would say, "Get radical about your sin, sis!" I've overcome many things but overeating has not yet been one of them. I am asking believers who view this blog to pray that I will allow GOD to lead me in my eating rather than being greedy. I don't expect that I will ever desire to "diet" again, but I want to be "self-controlled and alert." I have the Weigh Down book and I was looking towards GOD for a couple of weeks and the scales were going down but I fell back into my sin and I haven't weighed in but I know that I have probably gained the few pounds back that I lost. I also know that GOd is GRACIOUs and that how DARE I not forgive myself when he forgives me. That's like saying that MY standard is HIGHER than His. No Lord! I am His humble servant and I know that he can see me through this.
***All things work together for the good of them who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose. Romans 8:28 (emphasis mine)